Forgetting How To Worship

I live my life in my head, constantly separating thoughts into categories and filing them or weighing out the good with the bad and casting judgment on the latter. This is my hobby of pointing out the darkness of my heart and of selfish humanity that creeps into the Christian religion.

Ive been doing this so often in fact that i have created my own religion. this religion feeds and breathes by injustices and progressive thinking. The problem with this religion is that there is no God, Creator or Savior but only me to cast final judgement and to write and mark out the path before me., following no one.

Myself in trying to better Christianity forgot what in means to simply love God, follow him and forsake all else. I want to know God and I want that to be enough. Perhaps this is the process of denying myself to follow him. So here it is.

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One response to “Forgetting How To Worship

  • David

    Dude yeah. It’s crazy how tiring and discouraging it is to have a brain and a free will.

    Learning to deny ourselves is like, not only a daily battle, but it’s each step of our walk. Each confrontation with lust or pride or whatever is like another step where the direction of those steps is completely up to us.

    I kind of don’t believe there is a place where we can just sit and have a picnic in a big grassy field talking and laughing with Jesus here on earth. That’s pretty much heaven. We get glimpses of it in worship and intervention and stuff.. but it’s like for now, we have baggage and temptations and corruption and lies etc etc tied to these bodies and brains.

    A lot of times I totally feel like a pretty literal zombie. Lifeless/cold/dried-up, feeding on flesh, just wandering around for random amounts of time with no direction or purpose.

    I am always so amazed that God hangs out with us and wonder how and why He chooses to bless and even acknowledge us smack dab in the middle of our sin.

    Grace, hope, freedom, community, love…..

    I love that those are real attainable things we can run towards and live in and stuff.

    Gosh.

    There’s something about writing.. I always forget how calming/healing/relieving/pleasant it is.

    On a computer of course. Writing irl hurts and is messy.

    I love you a lot Johnny and pray for me and I will pray for you and thanks for warming up my life all the time 🙂

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